Meltdown and Realizations
by Meg0613
Summary: When Noah has a rough night Barba wonders if he has what it takes to be a father. Set after my story Someone Who Understands but can be read alone.


Meltdown Realization

A/N Olivia and Barba have been dating for a couple of months set after my other story Someone Who Understands but can also be a stand alone story. I don't speak Spanish so I used Google translate please feel free to give kind feedback if I messed anything up. All characters of course belong to Dick Wolf and company. Thank you to everyone who left a review last time!

Olivia Benson's apartment was covered in casefiles and toys. It had been a long day and Barba and Olivia still had work to do going over testimony for trial tomorrow. It was closing in on Noah's bedtime and the evening was not going well. He had not napped at daycare and was overtired and running around from one thing to the next.

"Noah, you need to sit down and eat." Olivia had said multiple times at dinner after he refused to get into the high chair.

"Not hungry Mommy. I play cars." The two year old had argued.

"Mama dijo que comer" Rafael tried speaking to the boy in Spanish as he did more times than not.

"Jugar coches." He replied.

"Great, you've taught him to argue in two languages, he can be a lawyer." Olivia said unamused in her current state.

Rafael did his best not to look proud of the boy's accomplishment given his girlfriend's mood.

"Let's just eat so I can get him to bed and our work done." He suggested as he made their plates and brought them to the table, "Wine?" he asked.

"Definitely" She said watching her son he was now rushing his cars across the table where they needed to eat and the casefiles were already opened.

"Noah, if you aren't going to eat then go play with your cars over there." She instructed pointing to the floor by the couch.

"Mommy and Rafi play cars too." He said.

"No, Noah Mommy and Rafi and eating." Olivia answered him. "Do you want to eat with us?"

"NO, I want to play! Rafi jugar coches" He yelled beginning to jump up and down.

"Noah, we aren't playing now, you can eat or go play quietly." Olivia said again her voice firm but Barba could hear the tiredness creeping in. He was trying to decide if he should step in or let her handle it. He and Noah were close but he never interfered with Olivia's parenting. He honestly had no idea what he would do anyways.

"No, Mommy." The child began to yell louder. "I no eat. You no eat. Jugar coches"

"No, Noah." Olivia said again.

The almost two year old was done at that point and he took the car he was holding and threw it at Olivia hitting her in the face. Barba looked at scene in shock and could not believe it when he heard his own voice raise not quiet to a yell but to a tone that he had never used with the child.

"Noah Benson, no sir, no tires tu coche, dices que lo sientes immediatamente." He locked eyes with the child who then began to cry.

Olivia looked between them somewhat shocked by both of them. "I think it is time for bed." She said picking Noah up, "I'll be back in a few minutes" She told Barba who simply nodded, shocked at his own behavior.

Not even ten minutes later Olivia returned to find Barba sitting on the couch still looking shocked.

"He passed right out." She said placing a hand on Barba shoulder as she sat down. "You all right?"

He looked at her with a mixture of emotion on his face, "Liv, I'm not sure I can do this." He said his voice shaking.

"What?" She asked jumping off the couch and staring at him, "My child has a meltdown and you are ready to call it quits. Seriously Barba, I thought we were trying for something and you can't handle a run of the mill over tired meltdown?"

Rafael stood up and grabbed her hands pulling her back to the couch with him, "No Liv it's not that. I mean I don't know that I know how to…how to…" he started to stammer which was completely unlike him.

Olivia was growing more frustrated by the second, "How to what counselor, break up with me, because of a toy car?"

"No damn it I don't know if I know how to be a good father not that you've asked me to be a father to him but if we ever do get to that point I don't know that I will know what to do. I've told you some about my own father but not everything Liv. If he were alive I would still be scared of him and I never want Noah to feel that way about me Liv." He told her tears starting to form in his eyes.

Olivia stared at him and placed her hands on his face and kissed him, "Rafael Barba, you are nothing like your father."

"Liv, that's not entirely true. I can be ruthless, I have a temper, I love a good fight." He said still scared by his realization.

"Yes, Rafael and all of those same things can be said about me and last time I checked you thought I was a pretty good mom." She reminded him.

"Liv, I made him cry tonight." He said looking genuinely sickened by his actions.

Olivia smiled and ran a hand through his hair, "Honey, he cried tonight because he was an overtired child who didn't get what he wanted and was reprimanded for his bad choice. That's what they do. You were great with him tonight."

Rafael looked at her in shock, "I was?"

"You did not yell, you were firm, and if I understood you correctly you told him exactly what he did wrong and that he should apologize. That's what I would have done, only I would have done it in English." She added with a smile.

He smiled back at her for the first time since she came out, "Sorry about that, it seems to have become a habit around him. Does it bother you?"

"No, I think it's great. I love that you two have your thing." She reassured him.

"So what happens next? How do he and I move past it?" He asked he still very concerned.

"Rafi, I guarantee you he won't give it a second thought. You just keep showing up being part of his life, that's how you move past it." She told him and paused before adding, "That is if that is what you want."

He took her hands again, "Olivia, there is nothing I want more than to be in both of your lives. I want to be more of your lives every day. I think that's what scared me so much tonight. I realized I might not be able to do what it takes. I love you both so much, I don't want to mess it up." He said not realizing that he had just told her he loved her for the first time.

"What was that Counselor?" She asked him with a smile.

His eyes caught hers and he realized what he had said and he smiled back at her, "I love you, Liv, you and Noah both."

"I love you Rafael Barba, it scares me sometimes too all of this, parenting, loving you and knowing I've never been able to make a relationship work and knowing this time the stakes are so much higher. Sometimes I want to push you away because I think if it ends now it will be easier, but then you smile at me or talk in Spanish with Noah and I think I would be crazy to let you go." She told him this time tears forming in her eyes.

In an instance their lips were on the others in what might have been their most heated kiss yet. Their tongues swirled together as their hands began to roam each other's bodies. Lost in the moment Barba began to trail kisses down her neck while running his hand up the back of her shirt desperate to feel her skin. He heard her moan as she pushed herself closer to him. He knew they were approaching the point of no return as he slowly let her go, "I think we are supposed to be working." He whispered breathlessly.

Olivia's eyes were glazed over and her lips swollen from kissing as she stood up from the couch and took his hand, "Work can wait." She told him turning to the direction of her bedroom.

He stopped her as they reached the doorway kissing her again, "Are you sure?" He asked her.

Her only response was to pull him into her room and close the door, "Make love to me Rafael." She whispered wrapping her arms around him.

He woke several hours later and looked over at Olivia sleeping peacefully in the t-shirt she has thrown on after their shower. She was more beautiful than he ever could have imagined and their love making matched their personalities full of passion and fire. He remembered the work left all over the table and decided he should spend some time preparing for court tomorrow. He threw on his t-shirt with his boxers and made his way to the table and began to work. It wasn't long before he heard Noah call out for Olivia.

"Mommy, Mommy" He cried out.

Barba went to him quickly hoping that Olivia wouldn't wake up. "What's wrong mi amigo?" He asked him lifting him from his crib.

"Rafi" The boy said with a sleepy smile.

"I'm here buddy, Rafi's not going anywhere mi chico, Tea mo Noah Tea mo." He said as he held him close.

"Go Mommy's bed" The boy asked.

Barba sighed, "We might have to talk about these sleeping arrangements one day mi chico." As he carried the boy to Olivia's bed and settled him in the bed next to her. He turned to go back to his work he heard Olivia sleepy voice.

"Stay with us." She said.

Rafael hesitated for only a second before settling himself on the other side of Noah. He kissed the boy and reached for Olivia's hand, "Domir mis amores." He said before drifting back to sleep.

The End


End file.
